Insecurity has taken hold of many, regardless of gender or age, which has led many people to overestimate and seek external validation. People spend days and months trying to convince others that they are interesting. This extends to dating! See how to become more trustThente in relationships.
Insecurity: Overcoming the Fear of Not Being Chosen
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When you are in this “bad place”, any external validation matters. Often, some limits and own tastes are exceeded in order to be accepted and chosen socially.
People become adults, but continue to nurture the “childish fear” of being the last to be chosen in some activity. In adulthood, this fear extends to the most diverse social situations. In romantic relationships, it's what we see the most.
Deep down, everyone wants to be chosen and loved to feel validated. The thought of not being a valid choice leads us to believe that we are not good enough. The question gnaws at a lot of people's minds all too often, which makes sense given that being included in groups is in our evolutionary trait.
self-esteem problems
While waiting, self-esteem tends to drop more and more. All you will try to do for people is to try to prove that you are good and useful, even though you are the only one doubting all of this.
Adopting this practice is extremely harmful, after all, this thought often causes you to act in a way that precedes rejection.
Be who you choose
Therefore, it is very important to change the way of thinking and start looking instead of waiting to be chosen. You need to recognize that this is your life. The choices must come from you. Instead of wondering if you're good enough, you should start questioning whether or not the other is not enough for you.
When we become this person, everything changes, as our posture is no longer passive. Instead of always worrying about pleasing others, our focus will be on analyzing the behavior what we like the most. Does the idea sound good? To become the chooser, follow this step-by-step guide:
- Be kind to yourself and look for everything that is part of you that is a reason to be proud of;
- Recognizing your worth is the first step to treating yourself better and not allowing anyone to treat you badly;
- Focus on remembering all your positive qualities daily;
- Now that you know your value, start analyzing the behavior of the other. From there, ask yourself which ones are interesting and worthy of being on your side.