Rachel Romer, CEO and co-founder of educational assistance benefits company Guild and mother of two children, emphasizes the importance of avoiding the word “calm” when dealing with children in panic situations.
According to her, it is more effective to teach calm through demonstrations and examples. For children, understanding and learning calm occurs most effectively when they are witnessed in action.
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Citing Alison Wood Brooks, a researcher whose dissertation was published in Journal of Experimental Psychology in 2014, she explained that saying “calm down” does not validate a child's emotions or help them understand their feelings.
In fact, that word can be inadvertently disrespectful. Managing emotions such as anxiety is a complex task that requires more empathetic and understanding approaches.
According to Brooks' research, it was observed that more than 80% of people usually say "calm down" when they are anxious or when directing others to do so.
However, it is important to recognize that anxiety is an intense and persistent emotion that cannot simply be dispelled by command. It is essential to adopt more effective approaches to dealing with anxiety, considering its activated and long-lasting nature.
How to deal with a child's anxiety?
do breathing exercise
Practicing breathing together can be an effective strategy for dealing with anxiety, for children and adults alike.
Rachel Romer suggests that synchronizing your breathing with your children creates a space for them to work with their emotions subconsciously.
This approach can also be applied to adults, as Brown reports, who learned breathing techniques such as "box breathing" and "tactical breathing" through yoga classes. These breathing techniques help promote calm and emotional control.
Work anxiety as something to be resolved.
An effective approach to dealing with anxiety in children is to modify the language used by parents during conversation. Instead of saying phrases like “I know you're anxious, but…” or “Let's try to calm down”, parents can opt for phrases like “I know you're excited and…”.
This shift in language helps validate the child's emotions by acknowledging their excitement or energy while introducing elements of calm and control.
In this way, parents can help their children to deal with their emotions in a more positive and constructive way.
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