When you are in your 20s, it is common to make several plans for the future, both personal and professional, imagining what it will be like when we reach the 30 mark.
Everything seems to have no end, and the other age groups seem quite distant. Yet suddenly, without warning, you arrive at the 30 years.
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Although the transition may not be as evident, it is in this phase that many changes occur in our lives. In your thirties, it's common to look back and have some regrets.
Recognizing this, researchers at the University of Illinois, USA, conducted a telephone survey of hundreds of people in their 30s, seeking to understand the main complaints.
Here are the top five regrets cited in the survey:
1. Not having pursued your own dreams
This is a common lament: both from individuals with considerable means and those stuck in dead-end jobs in their early thirties. It is a narrative that repeats itself, regardless of social position.
It is true that the twenties largely shape what we can and cannot do in our careers. Some professions may also fall out of reach after the twenties, especially those that require youth, such as agency-based fashion or professional sports.
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However, if your dream doesn't require a youthful face or body, why not start now? It's never really late.
The majority of dreams does not require a full-time commitment to achieve, including writing! If you regret not starting something that is still possible, why not take steps in that direction right now? There is still time to pursue what really inspires you and brings you happiness.
2. Have allowed parents to control your life
Over the years, many people have gone to college and chosen careers determined by their parents, even if it made them unhappy.
We're talking about a constant source of depression, eating disorders and a feeling of continual misery. Sometimes, the parents' oppressive control goes beyond professional choices and invades relationships and even decisions about their children's housing.
It's important to understand that this parenting behavior is extremely toxic and often indicates that they have serious issues - or at least one of them has greater dominance in the family.
There are several books that address this strange type of control that parents exercise over their children, leading to some adults to remain completely subjugated to their parents' narcissistic control, as true puppets.
For such regret, the teachers of the study say: rebel. Don't become that person as you get older, as behaviors are often learned over a lifetime. Live in pursuit of your own happiness – your parents' expectations are none of your business.
3. have attended college
There's a fair share of people who went to college and ended up racking up student loan debt, and in the end, they did not study what they would have liked, or the degree of stress was so great that it covered up the achievements later.
This regret seems to be more related to economic issues for most people who are currently expressing it. Most of those who went to college in the 1990s and early 2000s have no regrets.
However, the situation changed dramatically in the 2010s. Now people are facing unsustainable debt, only to enter the workforce with a starting salary slightly higher than someone with a high school diploma.
This regret seems to be more common among graduates in Education and Medicine, which may indicate problems in the work environment.
So, the tip for anyone who wants to go to college is: make sure you really want to do it. Nothing is worse than taking on debt for a degree you didn't even want.
It is important to make an informed decision and carefully weigh the costs and benefits before embarking on this educational journey.
4. Being involved with an ex-partner
It's a common regret, even more so in your 20s, where most people have a first long-term relationship that doesn't end well—and not just that.
Most people have lost money, time, and tears because of people who never meant well when they entered into a romantic commitment. The sooner you cut your losses, the less you will have to regret when you hit your 30s.
On a similar note, many women I met who were involved in relationships abusers, whether physically or sexually, also express regret for not reporting their bullies. The same can be said for financially abusive partners.
There is nothing wrong with allowing people to have the “stay and find out” experience. However, it's important to learn from these experiences and recognize when it's time to move on.
5. having children too soon
A sensitive subject, no doubt, but a good portion of those who responded to the study commented on this regret in recent years, both men and women.
While most parents love their children unconditionally, many admit that if they had known the challenges ahead, they might not have chosen this path so soon. This speaks volumes about the demands that parents face these days.
According to the survey, some people express regrets related to having children early.
These regrets are more common among certain groups. Women who did not receive comprehensive information about motherhood and were misled about the support they would receive are an example.
In addition, people under 20, who may not be emotionally and financially prepared to handle the responsibility of raising a child, also express regret.
Men who have tried to lock a partner through pregnancy have realized the significant implications that fatherhood brings.
Similarly, women who have tried to trap a man through a baby often find their partner quickly leaving.
People in poverty face additional difficulties when raising a child in unfavorable financial circumstances.
Women pressured by family members or members of the religious community to continue with the pregnancy, even though they have doubts or other plans for their lives, may also feel regret.
Finally, women who were about to conclude their university studies, but had to interrupt them due to the arrival of the baby, also express this feeling.
It is important to recognize that each experience is unique and that not everyone who has had children early will regret it.
It is critical to promote comprehensive parenting education and ensure that all people have access to information and support to make conscious and informed decisions about their lives familiar.
So, do you share any of these regrets? If so, rest assured and remember: it's never too late to start over!
