Are you the toxic one? Learn to identify red flags in yourself

Identifying your own red flags is a crucial piece of the puzzle when it comes to relationships. How to do this is a broad query.

Modern dating culture has popularized the concept of red flags and inspired people to share their long and detailed lists of red flags on social media.

People apply this term to a wide variety of things, being used to describe a behavior or characteristic in a relationship that may be considered unhealthy, discouraging, or even dangerous for you.

While looking for red flags in other people is important for relationships, we often forget to look at ourselves. Identifying our own red flags is critical to building healthy relationships.

In other words, knowing your own red flags can help you identify habits you can work on, which that you need to divulge to your partner for the sake of a better relationship, or even if you're ready for one relationship.

Identifying your potential red flags

Before getting into the process of how to identify it, it's important to point out that it's not always possible to predict what behaviors might be a trigger for someone else. However, you can work on identifying unhealthy behaviors you have or ways to improve your relationship skills.

Here are some tips:

• Start by noting your own behaviors, thoughts, and feelings in a journal.
• Spend a few days looking at the things that hurt your heart and the things that make you feel happy.
• Write down what makes you feel insecure, angry, sad, or jealous in relationships.
• Then ask yourself why these things trigger you. Is the other person acting in bad faith or is it more related to unhealed trauma? Discovering the “why” can reveal something in you that you might need to look into in order to begin a healing process.
• Imagine dating yourself and ask yourself questions like what would you love about dating yourself, and what are some things that would frustrate you. This can help you spot potential red flags in their behavior.

Here are some examples of possible red flags for brainstorming purposes:

• Instead of speaking openly, prefer silence when you are upset;
• Having difficulty setting boundaries with others;
• Using intentional tactics to make your partner jealous and get their attention.
• Speaking in a loud tone impulsively and without control;
• Having difficulty accepting responsibility for one's mistakes.
• Having trouble trusting people.

Identifying your own red flags can help you work through your toxic behaviors and build healthier relationships.

How to deal?

Be More Mindful – Take a mental note when you find yourself throwing up your red flag.

• practice – Exercise actions that can help overcome the red flag, such as setting limits or controlling emotions, for example.
• be open – If you are in a relationship, talk to your partner about your red flags. This will help them to better understand your questions.
• Ask for help – Therapists or trusted people can help brainstorm healthy ways to work on the behaviors or habits you have identified.
• Do not hurry “This is a journey that takes time and care. Be kind to yourself and know that it's not possible to become a better partner in one day.

If you have access to a therapist it can be essential as they can help you through this process. However, it's possible to work on your red flags alone, as with any self-improvement journey. Remember that everyone has areas to improve and that self-improvement can be attractive to others.