Saying "I'm sorry" means an expression of sympathy or regret, a statement that you are sorry, or any other words and actions that indicate understanding, either by words or actions which admit or imply an admission of guilt in connection with the matter to which the words or actions relate relate.
The practice of requesting sorry it is important for personal relationships in an atmosphere of good coexistence. As in any other social practice, we learn to apologize. And this learning was still an imitation of what an apology really is. This article reflects on sincere apology and how it enables positive change when done assertively.
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The apology, that communicative chain that manifests itself between two or more interlocutors, also supposes its acceptance or rejection. A back-and-forth path between the requester and the recipient contributes to effective dialogue and is therefore useful for conflict management.
When we perform an inappropriate action and believe that we may have caused discomfort or harm to others, we must apologize. But knowing how to apologize is much more than just a phrase of courtesy. It involves elaborate personal work that affects both those who present them and those who receive them.
As any present relationship has consequences in the future, the good practice of apology turns out to be a facilitator of the dialogue, the quality of the relationship and good coexistence. While we understand that conflicts are an inherent part of relationships, we can learn a lot from them.
For many people, the idea of apologizing causes them marked discomfort and even anger, as they associate it with putting themselves down or withdrawing. They learned that “putting down” is humiliating. Recognizing that you don't own the truth or acted shamefully becomes extremely painful. This type of person has not learned to discriminate the difference between the act of omission they have committed and the opinion that the interlocutor has of that act.
An assertive attitude consists of when something does not go well in the relationship with someone, the person has the responsibility of define the problem, admit your mistakes and shortcomings, make your excuses and decide how to remedy and, if necessary, do changes. Some people are competent enough to admit mistakes, make sincere apologies and stop being defensive.
It is true that you can also start by making the relevant changes, but it is better that the apologies are presented. It is incongruous to make excuses and not change behavior.
Regardless of what action you deem necessary regarding your apology, be it small, medium or large, it is important to be in connection with your truth. People understand, if our request is true, if our emotion is in accordance with our word when apologizing.
It is convenient to apologize whenever the person realizes that he made a mistake or that his performance was not adequate. To truly apologize, the collaboration of the other is necessary: it is important to know the dimension of the discomfort, the damage, the wound. Only then will the apologies be true and will not be made under an illusion, but will be aimed precisely at the real magnitude of the damage done. And this is only possible when there is a fit between the apology and what the interlocutor felt.
Psychologist, postgraduate in Business Management Executive Coaching and Skills. Writer with international training for creative writing and storytelling. Researcher at Dakila Pesquisas, creation of Pedagogical Coaching methodology for parents and educators.