Parents with more than one child have probably experienced, at some point, some tension, conflict of interests, competition for attention or other behaviors of children due to living with the brothers. The arrival of a new child in the family requires physical and psychological rearrangements: the change in fourth, the preparation of the space, the creation of a new role in the family to be played by this new member.
At this time of reconfiguration, the oldest child may have difficulty understanding what is happening, as he has never had the experience of so intimately sharing the attention of country.
Does the arrival of a new baby always lead to jealous reactions in the oldest child?
A new member in the family always generates, as mentioned above, a rearrangement of family relationships, causing different reactions in older children. It is important to be aware of these reactions, as they are an important source of information about the recognition of this new member. Among these reactions is the
jealousy, which can manifest itself in different ways. It is important to emphasize that the jealousy between brothers it may not appear immediately, as a response to the baby's arrival, but over time, through the increase in coexistence and the growing need to share toys and moments of life.What are the signs of jealousy in children?
Some children tend to be more aggressive, others more introspective. Aggressive reactions can be directed towards the baby (when the older sibling rejects the younger and does not want her presence) or for the parents (when the younger brother is treated with affection, but the parents are treated in a hostile way, physically attacked and verbally).
Children who react introspectively may develop symptoms such as nocturnal enuresis (urinating while sleeping), difficulty with food or even demonstrate different behaviors just outside the home, reserving for school the difficulties that are facing.
How can parents cope with this situation?
It is important to keep in mind that the anguish that underlies jealous behavior is the fear of being abandoned, of not being loved by the parents. In this sense, parental actions should always aim at ways to make it clear that love exists for all children and that the arrival of a new sibling does not change this condition. This constant reassurance, unnecessary as it may seem, makes a big difference in how children deal with changes in family structure.
Some actions can help with this task:
- Do not close a cycle of bad behavior: discipline for jealous reactions should be different, not punitive, but a reaffirmation of unconditional love for the child;
- Avoid accumulation of changes: moving house, school, group of friends and even having a new member in the family can be an excessively complicated burden for the child to work out;
- Prepare your children for the arrival of a new family member, let them ask questions, try answer those you can and show your lack of knowledge about the questions you don't know. answer. Research the answers together;
- Encourage and appreciate the displays of affection between siblings and, as far as possible, try to ignore rejection behaviors, until the sibling's arrival can be better worked out by the child. This process can be facilitated by delegating simple tasks in baby care to the oldest child;
- It is important to remember that some time with each of the children in particular can be essential to ensure safety in the face of the anguish of losing their parents' love. Taking time out for each child is always a good way to get to know them better;
- Aggressive behavior should always be reprimanded, without this being turned into a burden of guilt for the oldest child. It is important that children express their feelings, including negative ones, but it is necessary to educate them to other ways of doing this, such as artistic or sports activities;
- Always be on the lookout for signs of withdrawal or aggression expressed outside the home. Try to keep in constant contact with the school to find out how the relationship with friends and siblings who study together is going.
Juliana Spinelli Ferrari
Brazil School Collaborator
Graduated in Psychology from UNESP - Universidade Estadual Paulista
Brief psychotherapy course by FUNDEB - Foundation for the Development of Bauru
Master's Student in School Psychology and Human Development at USP - University of São Paulo
Source: Brazil School - https://brasilescola.uol.com.br/psicologia/ciume-entre-irmaos.htm