"I forgive you" are the magic words that people with high emotional intelligence find themselves repeating daily, either aloud or silently to themselves.
It is worth remembering that when you hear this sentence, you may not know what you did wrong, you may not agree that you did something wrong, or you may not even have apologized or asked for forgiveness. But that hardly matters, because there is a spectrum of apology language.
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Words range from simple "I'm sorry" to "I forgive you", and the stronger the word, the more power the person receiving it has in the conversation.
Proactive forgiveness takes power back. And what's the shortest, least contorted way to say "I accept your apology" that avoids the whole awkward question of whether it was offered? I forgive you.
Saying “I forgive you,” or silently articulating it to yourself, focuses directly on the third of the four. emotional categories, which is to get control of your negative emotions so they don't interfere with your goals. In other words, forgiveness is a pressure valve - releasing the outrage you feel when you've been wronged and harnessing the power of apology for yourself.
Being the type of person who finds himself silently repeating "I forgive you" every day might just be one of the best language tricks ever. Emotional intelligence is the ability to leverage four categories of emotions: your emotions positive emotions, other people's positive emotions, your negative emotions, and other people's negative emotions people.
To increase your emotional intelligence, it's effective to train yourself to use specific words and phrases that you've thought of in advance, rather than reacting in the moment.
While forgiveness has little to do with making the other person feel better, it is incredibly potent. Forgiveness doesn't magically make the ramifications of whatever has been done to you go away, but it is a way to release some of the outrage you feel and harness the power of apology for yourself same. While waiting for the other to apologize, the power is in their hands, and proactive forgiveness takes power back.
