Many mothers and fathers believe that in order to raise their children correctly, they need to adhere to only one specific educational approach, without any variations. However, this is not as effective, according to child psychologist Mona Delahooke.
If you are always more kind and responsive, for example, you may end up validating your child's emotions too much, which, in the future, can have disastrous consequences.
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On the other hand, if you are a firm and tough parent all the time, even with a slight authoritarian sense, you can generate a very rigid and/or rebellious personality in children, which is also not ideal.
In reality, the best approach to parenting is to combine different styles, according to Mona Delahooke. According to her, the exaggerated focus on unique parenting styles has taken us away from the most important question: “What does my child need now?”
In this sense, while it is always important to provide children with emotional security, it is also necessary to have more rigid and formal guidance. This behavior merges the two parenting styles exemplified above.
And, as Delahooke points out, gentleness and firmness don't have to be opposites, they can work together to create a healthy, positive environment for your child's development.
How to Be a Kind and Firm Parent
Still according to Mona Delahooke's guidelines, there is no “ideal” way to implement a fluid parenting style. This can and should be done as the parents see fit.
For example, imagine that your child is having a fit because you and your partner are out having fun without him. For this situation, Delahooke suggests the following approach:
- Help your child deal with their emotions: instead of simply scolding him for his reaction, take a few minutes to “co-regulate” with him, showing empathy and a gentle, caring approach;
- Teach the nanny to act the same way: Explain to the person who will be looking after your child while you are away as a co-regular after your departure;
- leave normally: this may take a few extra minutes, but it will help build resilience in the child through a hybrid approach, allowing you to enjoy the date without feeling guilty about it.
This approach can be applied to different situations. For example, you might express empathy for a child who is having trouble getting out of bed in the morning, while establishing that going to school is a must.
Test it out with your kids!
Graduated in History and Human Resources Technology. Passionate about writing, today he lives the dream of acting professionally as a Content Writer for the Web, writing articles in different niches and different formats.