Communicate Better: 7 Valuable Tips for Insecure Communicators

Regardless of being introverts, extrovertor ambiverts, we've all faced situations where our personality is put to the test. When the pressure is high, we can feel lost and not knowing what to say.

It's common to feel awkward, stressed or embarrassed in these situations and then think we'll never be able to be good communicators.

More often than not, this happens because we get thrown into a conversation without finding common ground first. It's hard to keep the interaction flowing naturally when we're not sure what to talk about or what to avoid.

The good news is that there are techniques that can be used in these moments. By combining a little social psychology with a person-centered approach, we can master the art of conversation!

Here are some valuable tips to help you speak up and improve your interpersonal communication skills:

Tips for improving communication skills

1. Practice the art of listening

Listening is the most basic and powerful way to to connectwith someone else, so just listen. Communication is a two-way street and listening is just as important as talking.

When you are faced with quiet moments, avoid filling them with just stories about yourself. You will never go wrong by adopting the “listen first, speak later” approach.

When you and the person you're talking to take turns really listening to each other, the conversation flows more naturally. Plus, you'll have more time to observe and understand people.

To improve your listening skills, it can be helpful to identify what might get in the way of effective listening. A common problem is thinking about the answer while the other person is still talking.

A study by Faye Doell (2003) revealed that there are two different types of listening: “listening to understand” and “listening to respond”. Those who practice listening to understand are more successful in their interpersonal relationships than others.

Focusing on the other's message is also a great way to divert your attention if you're feeling uncomfortable.

According to renowned psychologist Carl Rogers, the key to good listening is avoiding judgment and creating a safe environment for speakers. While it takes practice, here are some tips for improving your listening skills:

• Put yourself in the speaker's shoes. Try to understand what they are saying from their perspective;

• Avoid making assumptions or hasty judgments;

• Be aware of feelings expressed during speech;

• Maintain eye contact, looking into the speaker's eyes as they express themselves;

• Demonstrate that you are listening through gestures such as nodding your head or making expressions of understanding;

• Focus on fully absorbing the message the person is trying to get across.

2. Know what topics to bring up during the conversation

Richard Wiseman, Professor of Public Understanding Psychology at the University of Hertfordshire in the UK, conducted a study that investigated the most effective topics for good communication. He found that the most successful subject, which made a great impression, was to approach travel.

However, when in doubt, choosing a personally revealing subject may not be a good option, such as asking how many relationships the person has had.

The most consistent conclusion coming from surveys is to ask for advice about something. This approach is excellent for getting someone to talk, as when you are giving advice they feel useful and their ego can also be high.

So when thinking of a topic to talk about, ask for advice on something you know the person will be able to respond to.

3. practice empathy

Try to put yourself in the interlocutor's shoes. That's the motto of modern interactions: People appreciate being seen and heard, so when you empathize, they feel comfortable in your presence.

By making empathetic listening a habit, you will be able to better understand people's struggles and why they act.

It's the ability to connect with someone on their own level, to put the other at the center of the conversation (this technique is often used by therapists and psychologists to help their clients).

This creates a safe space where they can share anything without fear of being judged. Consequently, the conversation will flow naturally.

Here are some ways to practice empathic listening during a conversation:

• Give it time: Be patient and allow the speaker to express his message. Don't rush him or interrupt him;
• Show empathy: True empathy means listening and understanding where your conversation partner is coming from. It means letting go of your own stories and experiences;
• Ask open-ended, empathetic or reflective questions, for example, “How do you feel about this?” or “What is your next step?”.

Remember, the key here is non-judgmental listening, putting yourself in the other person's shoes, and asking follow-up questions, nothing more.

4. Cultivate a broad and up-to-date knowledge

You cannot share what you do not know. If you do, you'll likely get inverted and people may turn away from you.

If you want to have a variety of topics to start good conversations with, it's important to read up and familiarize yourself with what's currently happening. Current events are the best source of topics to bring up in conversation.

Let's be clear: you don't need to be an expert on the subject at hand, knowing every last detail of the goings-on.

Just let the person know that you have some knowledge on the topic. This will encourage the person to share what they know. That's how the conversation flows!

Many people believe that having a good conversationmeans making a big impression. However, this is not necessarily the reality. Sometimes you don't have to go out of your way to be remarkable to pique people's interest. Just be authentic and say what you mean.

At the end of the day, what matters is being true to yourself. This gives you a variety of topics to talk about and new ways to connect with people.

5. avoid judgments

The famous Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung said: "Thinking is difficult, that's why most people judge". When we are quick to judge people and situations, we undermine the natural process of communication.

The next time you are involved in a conversation, take a step back and honestly assess your own beliefs when interacting. Having an open mind is essential to honing your communication skills.

Many of us tend to make snap judgments when communicating with other people. This way of thinking categorizes things as right/wrong, good/bad, desirable/undesirable.

However, when we treat people this way, we are accepting or rejecting what they say, rather than truly understanding.

To break down judgment barriers, ask questions to gain a deeper understanding. Keep your mind open. This will make the person you are talking to much more comfortable, after all, nobody likes a know-it-all.

The next time you're in a conversation, don't automatically assume that the person you're talking to has the same opinions as you just because you like someone in common; every person has the right to have their own opinions and they don't deserve to be judged for it. You cannot force someone to agree with you.

Debates can make a conversation interesting, but avoid making statements controversieswho can start or end the conversation in a negative mood, as this is also a form of judgment.

If you want to build solid relationships and connections with others, take a step back and get to know people's beliefs before making controversial statements.

6. Watch for non-verbal cues

Communication goes beyond words and includes body language. Therefore, pay attention to your interlocutor's non-verbal signals.

Regardless of what you are feeling, try to redirect your attention and notice how the other person is feeling about you. based on your body language, observing the other person's body cues, such as posture, eye contact, and hand movements. hands.

It's also important to be mindful of your own body language and the message you are conveying. Sometimes we have to observe our own body and we end up communicating unintentional messages.

Here are some tips for adjusting your body language:

• Keep an open posture: It's important to feel relaxed but not sloppy. Avoid crossing your arms or placing your hands on your hips, as this can convey a closed posture.
• Give a firm handshake: When greeting someone, remember to offer a firm handshake. However, avoid squeezing too hard and causing the other person discomfort. Keep a balance;
• Maintain Eye Contact: During the conversation, make sure you maintain eye contact with the other person for a few seconds at a time, either as you speak or as they speak. This demonstrates engagement and sincerity;
• Smile when appropriate: The smileit's a powerful way to transmit positive vibes. Smile when appropriate, as this will make you appear friendly and trustworthy.
• Avoid touching your face: Avoid touching your face excessively, as this can convey an image of dishonesty.

7. Learn from every interaction

Each person brings with them unique experiences and perspectives. The person you're talking to may have had experiences and done things that you haven't yet. opportunity to experiment, and this can offer a new outlook on life or enrich your perspectives existing. So don't miss the opportunity to show genuine interest in them.

All you need is an attentive ear and an interest in expanding your knowledge of other regions, cultures and countries. With this information in hand, you will become a more interesting conversationalist.

Furthermore, by focusing on messagebeing transmitted, you become a better conversationalist. This directs your attention to the information being shared rather than worrying with feelings of awkwardness or planning what to say next, just watching what is being said.

That way, you take your conversations to a much more meaningful level. Finally, it should be noted that each interaction is a valuable opportunity for mutual learning and growth.