Increasingly, Gen Z and millennials are disenchanted with “therapeutic talk,” which they accuse of fostering selfishness through excessive “boundary setting.”
Laura, a 24-year-old, shared how she was hurt and frustrated to have a friendship of five years abruptly ended. The friend (actually a former friend) justified the decision by claiming that she needed to “honor her own needs” and that she no longer had “emotional space” for friendship.
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Laura, who preferred not to reveal her last name, shared that her friend ended their longtime friendship through a message.
The friend wrote: “I am in a place where I am trying to honor my needs and act accordingly. what feels right within the scope of my life, and I'm afraid our friendship doesn't seem to fit in with that. I can no longer hold the emotional space you wanted me to have and I think the support you need is beyond what I can offer.”
Laura said that the way her friend ended the friendship felt like an “HR memo” and that she expected a more direct and gentle tone. Furthermore, Laura was upset that she had not had the opportunity to respond.
With the terms “self-care” and “limit-setting” increasingly common to justify actions, Laura is not alone in questioning the effectiveness of “therapeutic talk”.
Dr. Arianna Brandolini, a clinical psychologist in New York, caused a stir on TikTok by posting a video on how to end a friendship. In the video, which has been viewed more than 938,000 times, she explained what "should be said" in such a situation.
She played out the scenario by saying, “I have huge love for our friendship time, but we are going different directions in life. I have no more time to invest in our relationship.”
The relationship expert continued, “I understand it can be difficult to understand, but I have been reevaluating many areas of my life recently, including my ability to be a good friend to you. I just want to be honest and direct so as not to disappoint your expectations. I'm sorry if this sounds painful. I wish you all love and success.”
However, social media users criticized this form of communication as "painful" and "traumatic".
One user wrote: "What seems to be missing is the opportunity for reconciliation and relationship repair."
Another said: "Therapy needs to teach that not everything needs to be said out loud."
A third added: "This is condescending and meticulously scripted, but so careless of the other person's feelings, which is a strange paradox."
Many people argue that “therapeutic talk” is one-sided and selfish, leaving little room for honest discussions and healthy relationships.