gaslighting (or gas lighting) is a form of psychological manipulation in which the aggressor makes the victim question his own intelligence, memory or sanity.
Through gaslighting, the manipulator systematically inserts doubts into the mind of another person (or group of people), using constant contradictions, lies and denials. For this reason, the practice of gaslighting it is often subtle and often goes unnoticed.
Although it is often attributed to men, the gaslighting can be done by anyone, against anyone, including abusive parents, bullies, etc.
Origin
The term gaslighting it originated in the 1938 play “Gas Light”, in which the main character mentally manipulated his wife by dimming the lights in the house. (which operated on gas) and denying any change in the environment when she noticed the difference, causing her to question her perception.
The expression became popular and is nowadays widely used in psychiatric circles.
Examples of gaslighting
As said, the gaslighting it can present itself in different ways. In the most common, the aggressor:
- hides information from the victim so she can create a wrong idea
- filters information or lies to mislead the victim
- denies that certain events have happened or diminishes their severity
- offends or belittles the victim through seemingly harmless comments or jokes
Main signs of gaslighting
the renowned therapist Robin Stern, a specialist in psychological abuse, has compiled a list of possible signs of gaslighting which includes:
- You doubt yourself constantly.
- Do you ask yourself "Am I too sensitive?" many times a day;
- You constantly feel confused or even crazy;
- You are always apologizing to your partner;
- You don't understand why, with so many seemingly good things in your life, you're not happy anymore;
- You often make excuses to justify your partner's behavior to your friends, your family, and even to yourself;
- You start hiding information from your friends and family so you don't have to explain it or make excuses;
- You know something is very wrong, but you can never express exactly what it is, not even to yourself;
- You start to lie to avoid the distortions of reality and be put down.
- You have a hard time making easy decisions;
- You feel like you used to be a very different person (more confident, more fun and more relaxed);
- You feel hopeless and dejected;
- You feel like you can't do anything right;
- You wonder if you are a "good enough" partner.
See too:
- Bullying